hello all!
so. to wrap up yet another week... where did it go???
i actually am beginning to understand what every single missionary means. each day seems to last an eternity... and then *poof*! the week is gone. i think that the first week was the hardest. each one seems to get a little easier and a little easier. which actually scares me. because i know, that when i finally get to the point that i'm comfortable... BAM! the lord is going to throw something else at me. maybe it is a good thing that i am expecting it. i just never quite know or expect the things that he tends to ask me to do...
i have a lot of time on my bike to think. i don't know if i've told you about the 40 minute bike ride that we make every single day (one way) to the church. it's pretty much a constant prayer, plus an adrenaline rush... and a lot of time to think. being the solitary person that i am, and being with someone else 24/7, the biking is definitely a necessary part of our companionship. in a good way. i had a spiritual experience a few nights ago. i had just gotten rejected by some guy at a bus stop. he was nice, had a confused face most of the time (i couldn't figure out if it was confused... or if it was a mixture of a face torn between feeling bad for the missionary speaking really bad thai, and grimacing at all of the bad tones i was making...) but he wasn't interested. sister tilley gave me some great advice. she said i was making my job harder than it needed to be. she recognizes the fact i'm a little more shy... especially when i am uncomfortable. and that i was trying to small talk my way into a lesson. which wasn't really working. she said, "they don't teach you small talk in the mtc for a reason. they teach you how to testify. so you will save yourself a lot of trouble by doing the things that you know." i'm still working on it. but i know that's what i need to be doing. i need to tell people they are children of god. i need to testify of my lord and savior, jesus christ. cuz it's a pretty awesome message.
anyway. on to the bike ride. i was riding home after a rejection like this, and just beating myself up for not being a good missionary. and kind of moping because i didn't think that i could be the missionary that my heavenly father wants me to be. and then i started thinking about all the times in my life that i told myself i couldn't do something.
the time i couldn't play basketball. i wasn't good enough.
the time i couldn't play piano.
the time i couldn't talk to people. because i was too shy.
the time i thought i couldn't date...
the time i thought i couldn't go to jerusalem.
the time i thought i couldn't be a missionary...
and i thought.
and thought.
and it finally hit me. that every time i say "i can't do something"... it's because i'm afraid. and i don't try. i thought of how i have always had help. and i remembered that i have always succeeded. i have always been able to overcome and to do the things that i thought were impossible. because they really aren't. so, as i was peddling my guts out, and pouring my heart out to god, i realized, a little bit more, why he sent me to thailand.
i bore my testimony in church for the first time yesterday.
it was fast sunday, and they asked me to lead the music. i'm pretty sure it was a funny sight... the new missionary up there leading the music... when she doesn't even know half of the words. i also had the hymn book about 3 inches from my nose because i was focusing so much on reading. i'm still giggling it was so funny. but i'm a missionary. i can't so no to service. i just can't.
so. i was sitting on the stand after the sacrament, and the branch president invited the congregation up to bear their testimonies. i knew that i had to get down off the stage somehow... and rather than have to come back up (and to be "forced" to bear my testimony)... i decided that i was just going to do it.
it probably lasted like 40 seconds. and sounded like something a 5 year old would say.
but i did it. :)
all by myself. (a five year old would probably say that too.)
there have been a lot of things that i've learned here. in just 3 weeks.
they DO have peanut butter here. in the import isle. :D
when it gets hot, it rains. it hasn't gotten hot enough to rain yet.
i sweat all the time.
they like to sing ALL of the hymns in the hymn book that i DO NOT know. especially the ones with 4 sharps and flats.
they have 8 baht pens. (30 baht is a dollar).
they have 10 baht mentos.
they have sweet and salty popcorn. a lady sells them from her "store", in which she also tailors clothes. i knew that clothes and popcorn went together!
everything here has whitening cream in it. lotions, deodorant... you name it. (hence the reason i will be asking for nothing more than deodorant for christmas.)
you can find everything here. in most cases cheaper than america. except deodorant.
Rs and Ls. apparently they sound the same. right? i don't know if i'll ever understand when someone is trying to tell me they like lice or like rice. yes. it transfers over into english as well.
everyone is nice. they want you to speak good thai. even if you mess up. a lot. like me.
i eat 2 peppers now. maybe one day i'll graduate to 3...
my lips don't burn like they used to... now, there is just a nice little tingle and my tummy feels all nice and warm. i wonder if food will seem bland after this.
thanks so much for all of your emails! they really mean so much! it is so great to know that heavenly father is taking care of you all! i know he loves you!!!
(i really just love this!)
THE WORK IS WORKING!
:D x infinity + beyond and forever and ever and ever and ever...
(so i forgot to explain the subject line. next time i'll be better. the only thing i want for christmas is peace on earth, deodorant without whitening effects... and your prayers!)
love you all!
asian notebooks and pens. not good for my obsession....
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