Friday, July 18, 2014

wind beneath my wings

June 8, 2014

the problem with only writing once a week... is that if i come up with a stellar title or topic for my email... i think of it on tuesday or wednesday. i forget to write it down. (because i'm lazy) and then my actually title is super lame. bit of a bummer because i want everyone to think i'm super creative. so sorry about the blank subject lines of cheesy on-the-spot ones.

this week has been an interesting one. the major event being zone conference up in chiang mai. what fun! i know most people would think that a trip to chiang mai would be 1. relaxing 2. rejuvinating 3. fun... i have to say that only 1 1/2 of those would count. definitely fun. and probably only SPIRITUALLY rejuvinating.... when you are boarding buses at 9:30 at night looking forward to a 6 hour bus ride (on which you KNOW that you won't sleep more than a half hour at best...) you are looking forward to a very sleepLESS weekend. it's alright. i wouldn't trade the training for anything. the topic of zone conference was repentance and the godhead. what an interesting combination! but it was very soon to be explained to us. i don't know how much i've told you about what we do here in thailand. especially in kampheangphet. a majority of our time is spent contacting. (since our less-active work is limited to a very few people) and we can only have so many recent convert lessons... i learned that the point of opening KPP is to establish a district/stake in the middle of thailand. and it will grow around a city we lovingly call "P-loge". (it's a 3 hour bus ride away for us. 45 minutes in a car... you can tell the state of thai transportation from that statement i hope.)
 
our transportation in chiang mai
we are the "branch builders" here in KPP. and president called us an "experiment". it's rough work. it's hot. i think it was 95 F in church the other day. no AC. but we have THREE fans. we need like a fan per person actually... then church might be comfortable... yuk yuk yuk. it amazes me every week. church is sweaty, hot, uncomfortable... and yet people still come to church. it just shows me how true this church is! (yet another testimony to write in my journal eh?) i don't know if i've ever had to deal with more issues. or more spiritually and emotionally draining dramas... but i've never been more rewarded spiritually either. god wants to stretch us. all of us. and if we expect life to be all AC and no heat... we're never going to grow. 
 
anyway. what we do here. we walk around asking people if they want to be free from their sins. all day. at zone conference president talked about how the savior didn't go up to people and ask them where they were going. what they were doing. or what they were eating. how many children they had... he taught them the way that they could be forgiven of their sins. that's what we are called to do. ALL of us. to preach repentance and baptism. they also want quick baptisms. it's fast. it's crazy... but god has people prepared to hear his gospel everywhere. 
 
how KPP does baptisms
but in getting "fast baptisms" sometimes people are still learning the process of repentance even after they are baptized. i know that i want them to be perfect. i want them to never struggle. but satan is real. and he wants them to fail. so god - in his perfect knowledge and love - gave us (all of us) repentance. the chance to change. to heal. to fix our mistakes. but what we talked about at zone conference is more than the checklist. more than the ABCs. we learned that true repentance comes from understanding WHO god is. his nature and his characteristics. that when we understand how merciful, loving, kind, and forgiving he really is, we will naturally want to repent. change will not happen because we are forced, but rather out of a change that is happening naturally within us. those desires will just disappear because our desires to follow god are so much stronger. 
and we made paper airplanes. 
ok. fine. the real story. we were each given a piece of paper. and asked to make it go the farthest it could without moving from our spot. so.... we all ended up crumpling it into a ball and throwing it as far as we could.... (i knew that my airplane folding skills left something to be desired...) and president asked us if we really wanted to return to our heavenly father crumpled and smashed up in some tiny ball... probably a no. 
then president showed us how to fold the "best paper airplane in the world." ours didn't necessarily go 120 feet... but it definitely did go farther than the wadded up ball... 
so what is the point? there needs to be someone to show us the PROCESS - someone who has gone that way before, to show us how to repent. and the thing i liked the most: repentance is something that will lift us higher. something that will take us all the way. because it isn't just us. we have our savior. the "wind beneath our wings" so-to-speak... with jesus christ, we are able to really accomplish anything and everything. 
i have such a gratitude for my savior. for this gospel. and for everything that it helps us to become. 

other things of note. (this email is excessively long... i apologize...!) 
we taught an OLD WOMAN! 
yes. sounds weird i know... but it is every missionaries dream to baptize an old buddhist woman. we're working on the baptism part. she believes in jesus. she also just likes buddhism because... that's how she grew up. i think that's the hardest thing here. people just feel like because it was a tradition in their youth, they have to keep doing it. even though they don't always necessarily believe in it. 
we basically told her she needs to throw it all away. (in nicely worded committments...) 
when we showed up yesterday to pick her up for church, she told us a bunch of excuses, and as we just sat there and smiled at her, she said, "i'll get changed" and then walked back inside. we continued to make phone calls until she was ready, and then we walked to the church. i think she liked it. she also told someone to pray louder (during the prayer) and got up to buy cucumbers in the middle of our relief society lesson (we will be reviewing sabbath day observance...) but she seems positive that she is able to swim (should the occasion call for it.) she is so stinking cute. she just needs enough of a testimony and witness to change. 

ok. well i think that is enough for today - except that jesus loves you! 
(i tell that to frustrating people - in english. cuz it somehow makes me feel better. and it's true. so i'm still doing my job as a missionary.) 
but you are neither frustrating nor buddhist. but he still loves you! 
as do i! 

til next week!
sister ellis
 

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